You would've been perfect. It would've been beautiful and we would've been so happy. Yea, it would've been hard, but only sometimes… you would have never been disappointed.

But we never had the opportunity.

You see, I feel like I've failed you. I feel like a piece of me is gone and lost but somehow so near. I've lived my whole life never asking why, because it all happens for a reason. But I've done a lot of thinking, and I think it's OK for once for me to ask why.

Your birthday went by and I thought about you. But, I think about you a lot, and I rarely ever talk to anyone about it. But when November went by I found myself temporarily stuck in a time warp.

Scorpio, just like me. We would've banged heads a lot, but it would've been fun. I could've learned a lot from you, I could've taught you everything. I wish I got to see what a brat you would've been, cause I absolutely know you would've.

See, a piece of me died with us… but you bring me more hope than anyone could ever. I've done a lot of things right in my life, I've done a lot of things wrong, but for the life of me I can't figure out what I did so wrong this time… I could ask a million times, scream it at the top of my lungs and cry until I almost puke but I will never understand.

The years will continue to go by and I will go with it, but I will always find myself back in February. And I will never forgive myself.

How can something so severe and life altering happen before I even got the chance to touch it? I mean, what did I do so wrong??

If I would've had a better chance, if I just would've known, I swear… if He would've just given me the chance I would have been able to save you.

Fuck.